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Your Needs + Desires are Holy

Last weekend, walking back from the Dogwood Ceremony on Powell Butte, a few of us were lingering behind, soaking up all the fun flowers and plants up there (Lupine, Columbine, St. John’s Wort, Elder, a giant heritage Popular tree, and Camas).

While we were hovered around a few bright purple camas flowers, a busy little bee came over to visit the flowers, hopping from one to the next, gathering pollen.

I know this is a common thing to witness, but in that moment, I could feel the love between the bee and flower so acutely it brought me to tears. (I’m so grateful to Dogwood for opening me up to that moment.)

The age-old love and comfort between them was so palpable I literally squealed in delight.

I felt the pure satisfaction of each of them getting their needs met by their supportive + intimate relationship.

And thought of us humans, who often have such a difficult time getting our needs met, honoring our needs, or even knowing what our needs are.

I remember being on a School of Forest Medicine trip in 2011, deep in ceremony with the plants, when I had the painful and disorienting insight that I had no idea what my true desires or needs were.

I had lived so long (since childhood) tending to other people’s needs, making sure other people were happy so I could feel safe, and martyring myself in the name of being a good and kind and thoughtful person, that I truly had no compass for my own inner Self and Truth. ​

I remember thinking, “I have no idea why I’m making my decisions.”

I couldn’t yet parse out the difference between my true desire or doing something to please another person so then I would feel ok (a sneaky way that I thought I was doing something from my own desire - because I did want to feel ok.)

At the core, I had no idea who I was.

So many people move around world unaware of their desires and needs, and even if they do, are unpracticed at actually asking for what they need.

So many of us are afraid to open to what it is we want or need because unconsciously:

  • We’re afraid it’s selfish.

  • We’ve learned to believe that our needs don’t matter as much as other people’s.

  • We don’t want to be “needy.”

  • We’re attached to being the “savior” or “I’m-all-good” in our self-image and can’t ask for help because that would interfere with our identity.

  • We’re afraid if we do open to what we want, we won’t get it anyway, and it’ll be way more painful to fail then to try.

  • We won’t allow ourselves to receive pleasure or joy (even if we desperately want it) because it feels too vulnerable.

I could write an entire book about this and all the reasons this is hard for humans (I’m sure someone has), so I can’t get into all the nuances here.

But if you recognize yourself in any of the bullets above, I want you to remember that your needs are holy (even if you don’t yet know what they are).​

Your needs are as beautiful as the bee gathering pollen, or the flower attracting the bee to spread their seed and procreate.

And your desires are your sacred pathway that guide you towards the life that is meant for you: the life that is longing for you.

Just like the bee and flower, each longing for the other.

Your true life, unfolding from the deepest desires of your being, is simultaneously desiring you to live it out.

Each desire of yours points you in the direction of your Truth, your soul’s path.

I know that needs and desires are two different topics really, but they each point us towards the Truth that’s inside us.

And when we can learn to follow these nuggets of knowing towards the center of our inner labyrinth, we unwind the layers of conditioning that tell us we’re not enough or not worthy. (This is a big part of what we do in the Golden Stone Immersion).

We come home to our Self.

I've spent the last 13 years unraveling confusion and moving into much more clarity and alignment with my own inner experience. Everything I share with you is always based off of the healing path I've followed, including help from the plants, the seasonal rhythms, energy medicine, embodiment practices, and magic + ceremony.

So for now: send a prayer for this Beltane and Spring Season to unravel the ways in which you believe you aren’t worthy of beauty, love, desire, and pleasure.

Invite Beltane to lure forth your desires and needs, so you can know yourself even more deeply.

And let these sacred desires and needs stand at the forefront, alongside your worthiness.

For you Dear One, are truly a gift on this Earth: desires, needs, and all.


Listen to the stories and experiences in your body that say you don't deserve pleasure.

With the support of Rose, this 1-hr class will guide you into connecting with a place within your body that needs softening in order to access the full range of your pleasure.

Comes with a 3-page pleasure ceremony outline!

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